​

Gottman Method Therapy

​

What is the Gottman Method?

 

Gottman Method Couples Therapy (GMCT) is based in over 40 years of research into what makes relationships work and what destroys them.

 

As a treatment model, it has a well-documented success rate when couples engage in it effectively. The techniques are extremely transferable and work with all relationships (family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc.). 

 

​

What are the goals of relationship counseling?

 

Broadly, the goals are to:

• ​decrease your harmful communication styles

• improve the effectiveness of your communication (even when fighting)

• increase the respect and affection between each other

• increase intimacy by developing deeper empathy and understanding of each other.

​​

​

How are these relationship goals achieved in counseling?

​

Drs. John and Julie Gottman identified 9 components of healthy relationships known as The Sound Relationship House Theory. The following is adapted from their official website.

​

​

 

Elements of the Gottman "Sound Relationship House"

 

Through the counseling process, the areas below are assessed & addressed. Couples learn their areas of strength and struggle and learn tangible tools for making improvements where they would like.

​

​

Get reconnected to your partner

(remember why you chose each other in the first place)

​

• Build Love Maps 

  • learn your partner’s inner psychological world

  • learn their history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes

​

• Share Fondness and Admiration

  • ​increase affection and respect within a relationship

  • express appreciation more often

  • provide and receive support in personalized ways

​​

​

Learn to argue better

(we all have disagreements in our relationships)

​

• Turn Towards Instead of Away

  • ​state your needs and wants aloud

  • be aware of "bids" (attempts) for connection

  • respond to these bids them rather than rejecting them or turning away

​

• The Positive Perspective

  • ​learn to take a positive team-oriented approach to problem-solving

  • learn to make things right again after someone has been hurt

  • learn to validate each other

​

• Manage Conflict 

  • effectively manage conflicts (which are natural and unavoidable)

  • learn the difference between handling perpetual (unsolvable) problems and solvable problems.

​​

​

Identify what you are building together

(intentionally design the future you want to share)

​

• Make Life Dreams Come True 

  • ​create a safe atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about their hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.

​

• Create Shared Meaning

  • ​understand important goals, narratives, and myths about your relationship and the life you are creating together.

​

• Increase Trust 

  • ​creating a connection where both people believe that their partner considers and acts out of the best intentions

  • Be able to trust that “my partner has my back and is there for me.”

​

• Commitment

  • believe and act in ways that show you are committed to the relationship for better or for worse

  • learn to cherish your partner’s positive qualities and regularly find gratitude for each other

  • learn to avoid an over-focus on negative qualities or comparing your partner to others.

  • learn to reduce factors that contribute to resentment