This holiday, we’re all juggling an especially complex mix of worries, expectations, patterns, and emotions. And for those of us who are more highly attuned to relationship dynamics and feelings, it’s particularly intense.
Whether you're doing family gatherings, handling work expectations, spending time with friends & chosen family, or moving through the season solo…underlying anxiety adds another layer for you to manage.
Know that your emotional depth & intelligence contribute to your anxiety and other intense emotions.
But those traits are also a positive thing - you care deeply and you’re able to create meaningful connections & experiences because of your depth.
And...it does also mean that you need some intentional strategies to manage all the *extra* that comes with holiday situations.
So I developed a framework to help you protect your well-being. And you know I love an acronym.
This coping framework follows the word P.E.A.C.E. with 5 categories for you to attend to. I’ll explain each category and give you some examples for implementation.
P – Prepare mentally & physically in advance
E – Establish boundaries
A – Acknowledge reality
C – Care for yourself
E – Exit strategies
P – Prepare in advance (both mentally & physically)
Remind yourself about what works & doesn’t work for you and pull together a little toolkit. When you know a dynamic will have you feeling some stuff, having easy access to the right tools makes all the difference.
Mental preparation:
Reflect on your past experiences to identify what typically feels challenging (certain people, settings, scenarios)
Identify types of situations that are positive, neutral, or draining for you
Set realistic expectations for yourself about how various interactions & dynamics will land on you
Plan out some verbal & behavioral responses for predictable situations
Physical preparation:
Assemble items that help you feel grounded & comfortable (favorite clothes, best-loved tea, noise-canceling headphones, bringing a pet along)
Calendar carefully - Consider your likely energy levels when planning activities. Be kind to future you and don’t over-commit
Bring strategies & objects that provide soothing or distraction when needed (curated playlist, calming photos, favorite breathing techniques)
Ways this can look:
I know large group meals often overwhelm me, so I'll sit at the end of the table where I can step away easily or use my distractions.
Mom always comments on my career choice, so I'll prepare a few neutral responses ahead of time.
I'll visualize myself staying calm when politics come up at dinner.
The house gets chaotic and all the commotion makes me irritable, so I'll book a hotel room this year to have my own quiet space.
E - Establish Boundaries
Boundaries aren't just helpful – they're essential for relationship & emotion management. Effective boundaries help us maintain our emotional equilibrium while still engaging meaningfully with others, especially when emotions are very likely to get intense.
A boundary = a request.
With a boundary, you're stating a limit or a preference and giving the other person a choice to accept that and meet you there. Both parties have full knowledge and choice when boundaries are explicit.
Take a moment to reflect on specific dynamics & relationships you may encounter over these upcoming holidays (at work, with gatherings, being out & about, etc.).
You’ll know you might need some boundaries if you feel: resentful, overwhelmed, controlled, unappreciated, run-over, or unimportant when you're thinking about certain dynamics or relationships.
If you feel any of those things, ask yourself: What’s not feeling right about this and what would feel more right to me?
Ways this can look:
Set boundaries with others:
"I'm looking forward to the party, just a heads up that I'll need to leave around 9pm.”
"Thank you for asking! I so appreciate you thinking of me to make treats for the cookie party, but I’m not able to fit it in this year.”
"Let's keep our gathering small this time – large groups are challenging for me."
Set boundaries with self:
I'll protect my mental space by checking socials just once a day between December 24-26.
I've set myself a gift budget this year and I will be sticking to it.
Need more? I’ve got a whole article with additional ways to identify and create boundaries.
A - Acknowledge Reality
This is a hard but powerful one, especially for those of us who feel things deeply. We can struggle to let go of the way things "ought to be" or how we wish others would act.
The goal here is to recognize the truth about situations & people based on their behaviors, and try to accept it as the current reality.
Maybe things can change down the line, but for now – they are who they are and the situations are what they are.
Uncle Mark is going to do Uncle Mark things.
So we want to maintain the care we have for others & our relationships, while also acknowledging that:
we can't control others' behaviors
we can’t smooth over every tension
we can’t make someone feel okay, and
we can’t create the perfect holiday experience.
The true reality is that we can only control how we prepare ourselves and how we respond.
Ways this can look:
Instead of: "Everyone has to be happy and get along..."
Try: "I can only manage my own responses and take care of myself."
Instead of: "The holidays are supposed to feel close and connected and meaningful.”
Try: "There’s no right way for holidays to feel. Every situation and dynamic is different. I can do my best and handle whatever comes.”
Instead of: "I shouldn't feel so affected by family dynamics..."
Try: "It makes sense that I feel strongly about this – it's part of who I am. And I can support myself through it."
Instead of: "Everything needs to look Pinterest-perfect..."
Try: "Good enough is good enough this time."
C - Care for Yourself
When you're someone who experiences anxiety and other emotions intensely, self-care isn't optional – it's essential. This is true whether it’s the holidays or not.
You'll want to attend to how you're doing & what you need quite frequently during the stress of the holidays.
Refer to this additional article covering many specific ways to care for yourself in consistent & creative ways.
Ways this can look:
Before any gathering or event:
Schedule downtime to store up emotional reserves
Plan regular breaks and restorative time/activities for yourself
Identify your non-negotiable needs
Set up support check-ins with understanding friends
Pause for a 5-minute journaling or meditation time
During gatherings or solo time:
Take breathing breaks
Stay attuned to your energy levels
Respond to your needs for space or connection
Maintain small routines that ground you
Orient your mind towards what is going nicely at the moment
Make decisions based on what you know about yourself:
I know I need down time to process & recover from social interactions, so I’ll block off the morning after gatherings for some slow time.
Even though I'm bummed about spending the holidays alone, I'll keep to my regular walking routine that grounds me.
I've learned I get overwhelmed after 3 hours of socializing, so I'll plan my visits accordingly.
E - Exit Strategies
Having exit strategies isn't about avoiding connection – it's about managing your energy wisely.
When you have a plan sorted out in advance, it allows you to stay present and engaged while you’re with people… Instead of worrying about how on Earth you’ll maintain your energy & behavior.
Be ready with multiple exit options:
Identify physical exits from the space (taking walks, running errands)
Create social exits (moving to a quieter room, shifting conversation topics)
Have energy exits you know work for you (putting on headphones, splashing water on your face in the bathroom)
Prepare for a complete exit (practice the wording to leave early if needed)
Ways this can look:
"I'm going to step outside for some fresh air – would anyone like to join me?"
"Thanks for such a lovely time. I'm heading out now to ensure I have energy for tomorrow's activities."
"I brought some photos to look through – who’d like to take a break from this topic and share memories instead?"
Special Considerations for Coping in Current Times:
When political tensions or other significant disagreements arise, your emotional sensitivity is both a challenge and a strength. You might anticipate difficulties and notice tension building before others around you do.
Ways to handle this:
Redirect conversations early: "Hey, remember that funny story from last summer?"
Create connections in other ways: "Would you tell me more about how to make that recipe you mentioned?"
Remove yourself: "I'm going to check on the kids." or "I’m stepping out to make a quick call." or “I promised mom I’d help with the dishes.”
Your takeaways
However you’re spending the holiday season, make it your goal to aim for P.E.A.C.E. Keep the elements in mind… your own internal peace comes from:
Preparing in advance
Establishing boundaries
Acknowledging reality
Caring for yourself, and
Exiting when needed.
What element of P.E.A.C.E. resonates most with you?
What will be the easiest thing for you to pull off?
Really want to put these strategies into action?
This fillable guide walks you through each element of the framework, helping you identify your specific needs and create ready-to-use responses for challenging situations.
--> No email signup required, but it's a Google Doc so you'll need a gmail account. Once it opens, click Use Template and you'll have your own copy.
I hope that if you implement just one new strategy this season, you'll celebrate that! Every move towards proactive coping when things are difficult is progress worth acknowledging.
If you want more: You can set yourself up beyond this PEACE framework and create a robust personalized coping plan. Learn how to incorporate a proven therapeutic strategy for difficult situations by adding visualization & mental rehearsal in my Cope with What’s Coming video course.
Photo credit: Jonathan Meyer on Unsplash